Life in the Big Brother House: ReVamped
by Cazaletta
Summary: Backstabbing. Gossip. Pervy Producers. Very, very ugly secrets… What’s not to love?


Screaming filled the air. (No, not the screaming of oh-my-god-there's-an-axe-murderer-on-the-loose! but the screaming of whoa-gorgeous-semi-naked-women-on-stage!) The lights were shining brightly on the shimmering dance floor and the hottest socialites were invited for the first episode of the guaranteed new hit show everyone had been waiting for: Big Brother.

"Hello all, and welcome to the world of Big Brother!" articulated an impossibly gorgeous woman with brilliant white teeth(and a plunging neckline). All went quiet. "I am Tanya Astono and I will be your hostess this year!"

"This, of course," she pointed to the burly man beside her, "is Emmett McCarty(cheering from the audience), who has acted in roles such as the music video in "_Bay where Melilah?,_" _"Ron Chucker Must Dry,"_ and _"Highplates of the Mabbarean."_" The large man bounded over, grabbed the mic and started to speak, but before he could do so Tanya slapped his hand away and seemed to relish his pain.

"He will be the co-host. And where would we be without Mister Mike and Eric Newton, our special producers?" More cheering. "And now for the moment you've all been waiting for… let us meet the housemates!" the crowd cheered their hearts out, and she pointed towards the huge plasma TV screen with her long manicured fingers.

--

A pretty Hispanic girl, no more than seventeen at the most, sat on a porch swing. Her legs dangled, not long enough to reach the floor. She turned.

"I'm Maria." She spoke with a Mexican accent, slurring her r's beautifully.

"Mama and Papa own and run the cattle estates but my sister; Nettie eloped with her boyfriend and a huge fortune, so now we may be closing down the family business. I do not want that to happen to my family!" She paused. "I need the money."

--

..

--

A petite little girl perched on the edge of a Dolce & Gabbana cover quilt. "Hiya! The name's Mary Alice Brandon, but that's boring so you peeps don't hesitate calling me Alice! Call me Mary and I'll have a new addition to my collection."

She gestured to a corner where a pile of rotten… bones? hung on a line. "Nah, just kidding. Those aren't victims, they're just grandparents," she shrugged.

"Anyway, I'm hopelessly addicted to fashion – " she stood up and the camera zoomed out, revealing her to be dressed to the nines with logos of all the luxury brands ever known to mankind – but done skilfully so. "and I'm looking for the perfect outfit to fall for! You have _no idea_ how hard it is to find The One that was absolutely meant for you nowadays."

--

..

--

"IF YOU DON'T COME OVER HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE…!!"

"Sure, sure." The tall Quilete boy smirked and closed the garage door, ignoring the man in the wheelchair completely.

"Hey. Jacob Black. Pleased to meet you." He paused for a moment then cut to straight to the point.

"Mmm, yeah. So this is my baby, worked on her for months! She's a cute little thing, she can go hard about 210 kilometres per hour. Love it! But most importantly the chicks love it!!" He grinned, but then it faltered a bit. And what was that?! It seemed for just one moment that there was a steely glint of… malice? No, it couldn't be. So he shook his mangy mane of hair as his grin turned wistful.

--

..

--

A flashy red car was seen.

There were murmurings amongst the audience. Right… a car for a housemate, this should be interesting…

It was then that a blonde moved out from under the car. Despite the grease marks and oil smears all over her face she was stunning, even the shapeless jumpsuit she wore could not cover up her curves.

Wolf whistling from the men, followed by synchronised whacking (presumably by their girlfriends/spouses).

"Rosalie Hale. I'm a car engineer, and damned friends signed me up for this." She glared at unseen individuals off screen but giggling was heard. "What can I say? Umm, well… I hate gossip, scandals and people being slackers in general – pretty much everything Big Brother is. Be sure that I will make the atmosphere as horrible as I can manage."

--

Shocked silence reigned.

**And that's all folks! Sorry this chappie's not very exciting (yet!) coz I'm introducing everyone, but meh it'll get better, I promise! What chapter doesn't brighten up when it has Edward in it? –wink-**

**Lots of love, Caza**


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